2023, November 6 | 23:14
jazzy beats instrumental monday night is playing on Spotify (I’m so into daylist)
Feeling good. Life’s good.
I’ve revisited my high school blogs enough times to realize “damn jazz, you need to start this practice back up”. Growing up, I loved to write. I was writing erotic friend fiction way before Tina Belcher. I spent many hours on MSN message boards for B5 fanfiction writing, reading, and designing. I moved away from writing fiction as high school rolled around and focused on writing about my life as the blog era was in full swing. I now have a digital archive of some very formative years.
Around the 5th grade, I am rediscovering my love for writing. It was the first creative expression I latched on to. There were only so many Nickelodeon and Disney Channel games I could play before I ended up in a Word document letting my stream of consciousness flow. I wasn’t scared of a blank page then.
I wasn’t scared of a blank page then is a wild statement. I remember being in college genuinely hating a blank sheet of paper. It took years to even somewhat overcome it. I still pause at a blank page. I’ve just learned to trust my hand/mind connection to work out at this point. I didn't feel any fear opening this document thought.
I wasn't scared of a blank page.
I wasn’t scared of a blank page.
At this moment, I am not afraid of a blank page.
On these blank pages, I was playing, exploring, and discovering through a narrative. I told anyone who listened, “I’m gonna be a novelist when I grow up.” I remember wanting to be specific with “novelist”.
I didn’t like writing because it was easy or flowed easily from me. Though I enjoyed reading, my reading level was always 2 to 3 years behind. I struggled with reading comprehension in class. When I went to the library, I could explore words and stories for words’ and stories' sake. I eventually wanted to unpack the properties of words and I could only do that by writing.
This might become a multi-part situation. I need to go to bed.